Me, My Self, and I

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Between You, Me, and The Big Black Old Trunk

I have gone. The journey was over. You haven’t found me yet. Maybe I got into the wrong tunnel. Or maybe you waited for me at the wrong station.

I bought a ticket, but I never got into that train. I walked down the path, instead, completely with my tired legs and big black old trunk. The trunk was so heavy, and I tried to empty it. But, I found myself couldn’t do it.

Then, I realized. The trunk was full of my memories; the good ones, and the bad ones. They were about them, and him, and you, and me, and us as well. I had only one choice; I had to throw out the trunk and its contents or I brought it for the rest of my life. I knew it very consciously; the trunk was the only one that I had left.

I made my decision because you were not here. I left her, the other side of me, with you. She was all you’ve ever really wanted. I brought that big black old trunk with me. I brought all the past. I brought all the memories. I brought all you’ve never wanted.

I made another trunk, the beautiful new trunk; white with purple embroidery of flowers on it. I left it with her, as a memento for her and for you.

Things have been so hard lately. And it got harder every time I measured the distance between you and me. The further I stepped, the harder it went. Between you, me, and that big black old trunk, there wasn’t any chain anymore. But, why was the trunk getting heavier every time I made a little step?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Between You, Me, and Pecel Ayam

Subject #1
No records found.

Subject #2
No records found.

Subject #3
No records found.

Subject #4
This morning, I remembered him in a sudden. 12 years ago, I’ve ever loved him once. When there’s nothing left to blame, I had him. When there’s nobody there to hear my sorrow, he heard me. When there’s anybody else to believe, I put my trust on him. I remembered him. Not much, but I do still remember him.

Subject #5
No records found.

Subject #6
On my way to work, I remembered him, not in a sudden. I was thinking about subject #4 when I remembered him. I needed almost 3 years to give in on subject #4 when finally I tried to start hoping again. When things went hard, I thought I had him. When it seemed to be a light at the end of the tunnel, I thought I was finally saved. 9 years ago, I’ve ever loved him once.

Subject #7
Facing laptop screen on my table, I remembered you. No, not in a sudden, because I always remember you. My hands were typing words I couldn’t recognize, my head was thinking of you. Years ago, I’ve ever loved you once. I still do now. Years ago, I’ve ever hated you once. I still do now.

I have built a tiny cocoon; to hide myself, to protect me from pain and happiness, to keep me safe from empty hopes that never came true. I needed 5 years to set myself free. I needed more time to get myself back.

Between you, me, and pecel ayam, there were hundreds heart-to-heart moments we shared; when we talked about God… about future… about love… about life…
And about pain… about affair… about past… about faith… about loyalty…
Also about them… about him… about you… about me… about us…

Things come, things go. People come, people go. Things change because people change. Then, I finally understand. I tried hard to set me free. One thing I kept declining to realize, I locked myself in a box and I forgot where I put the key. I tried hard to get myself back. One thing I’ve never known, I have always been me.

That pecel ayam has never been between you and me again for so long time. And we never talked about God anymore… about future… about love… about life…
And about pain… about affair… about past… about faith… about loyalty…
Also about them… about him… about you… about me… about us… no more.

I have gone so far, and I have never changed. I’m still here, waiting for you to come and take me home. If I take another way and you find me at the end of my journey, I’m too afraid to find out whether you will be happy or not.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Today's Babble: Live, Love, and Let Die

I'm not a rose (but I'm beautiful)
I'm not sugar (but I'm sweet)
I'm not baby (but I'm lovable)
and I'm not her (or her, or her, or her)

I'm not strong (but I'm tough)
I'm not weak (but I'm flexible)
I'm not strict (but I'm firm)
and I'm not her (or her, or her, or her)

I'm not the girl you will love easily
I'm not the person you hope for
I'm not the one you can change
and I'm not her (or her, or her, or her)

I'm not the collector who will call you every five minutes but never get answered
I'm not the message center who send you message but never get replied
I'm not the stupid one you can fool
and I'm not her (or her, or her, or her)

I live today, not for yesterday
I love today, also for tomorrow
I let my self die, only for now
and don't you know that I'm not her (or her, or her, or her)

Darling, you know heart can change
but nothing's left behind
and I try not to look back.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Me, My Self and I

1. I never had toothache in my life. [anyway, my teeth starts to be more sensitive after wore braces in 2001]

2. I love rain so much. [but rarely have time to play in the rain]

3. My biggest fan, best friend, smartest counselor, and toughest enemy is my Mom. [she still is]

4. I hate vegetables and milk. [however, my Mom makes me a cup of high calcium milk every morning]

5. I'm dying to live in United States. [but The Netherlands also sounds good]

6. I can play many music instruments, but I can't play any of percussion. [maybe this year I'll learn playing drum]

7. There are two kinds of people I hate desperately, liars and hypocrites. [yeah, they should go to hell]

8. I am sociable, but hate being in crowd. [I don't like party]

9. I don't care that I will be ended in heaven or hell, as long as Jesus is there. [yeah....]

10. My older brother is so poetic and sometimes I hate him for being like that. [well, he's good actually]

11. I always tell people that how sophisticated and complicated I am, but actually, I am a simple person.

12. My first crush was Axel W. Rose (Guns 'n Roses).

13. I can control my anger so well. And I cry whenever I cannot control it. [yeah, I still lock myself in my room and cry]

14. My younger brother says I'm sly, I say I'm manipulative. [owh, I really miss you lots, brother, but Germany is too far from here]

15. I know I will make a loyal partner, but I think I can't deal with marriage.

16. I hate being touched by girls. Yikes! [yeah, why do girls like touching and holding hands?]

17. I talk a lot, argue a lot, fight a lot, and thanks GOD I also listen a lot. [I listen more now]

18. I am crazy about dogs! [too bad I can't keep one]

19. My most favorite leisure time is thinking about my dreams while listening to country music. [oh, I miss my country music!]

20. I hate all Indonesian soap operas (electronic cinemas) and movies, but G30S-PKI movie.

21. My family bond is so close. [It still is]

22. "All is in your mind" (quoted from my Pop) is my family motto. [Impossible is nothing ^_^]

23. I hate kids, but I taught preschoolers and elementary students for 2.5 years. [and now I deal with primary and junior high students every day]

24. I've ever had 28 earthworms as my pet, stopped eating meatballs for 8 years 'cause of the rumor about meatballs made from rat, stopped eating chicken for 6 years 'cause of avian flu, and lived with hundreds cockroach at home without being bothered. [I eat meatballs and chicken now, but have no pet]

25. I believe that I can do (and bear) all things [through Christ who strengthens me, Phil 4:13]. [Yes, I believe I can]

*taken from here

Friday, June 4, 2010

I'm Gonna Win

One night, I went to a cozy restaurant with my friends. They played a movie on the large screen on the wall. Though I am a movie freak, the movie was not interesting enough for me. The movie was about to end. I've just watched few scenes when the credit titles came.

The dinner was served, looked delicious and smelled good. But my attention was stolen by the last original sound track of the movie. I didn't have any chance to check the title and the singer of that song because a waiter has replaced the DVD with another movie.

I was in bad mood during that week. Some things did not run well as I planned. Laid my self down after the dinner, I couldn't put the song away from my head. So, I turned on my laptop, got connected to the Internet, and started the search. After a while, I found the title, the singer, even the video clip!

The things were as tiring and difficult as before. However, when I listened to the song, I knew I shouldn't give up on everything. I am tough, yet full of hope. I knew everything would be just okay.

So, this is the song "Win" by Brian McKnight!


"WIN"
by Brian McKnight

Dark is the night

I can weather the storm
Never say die
I've been down this road before
I'll never quit
I'll never lay down, mm
See I promised myself that I'd never let me down

[1] - I'll never give up
Never give in
Never let a ray of doubt slip in
And if I fall
I'll never fail
I'll just get up and try again

Never lose hope
Never lose faith
There's much too much at stake
Upon myself I must depend
I'm not looking for place or show
I'm gonna win

No stopping now
There's still a ways to go, oh
Someway, somehow
Whatever it takes, I know
I'll never quit, no no
I'll never go down, mm, mm
I'll make sure they remember my name
A hundred years from now

[Repeat 1]

When it's all said and done
My once in a lifetime will be back again
Now is the time
To take a stand
Here is my chance
That's why I'll...

[Repeat 1]

Mmm, I'm gonna win

Aku Mencintai Kau Saja

Aku mencintaimu
semudah hujan yang turun di musim penghujan,
segampang memejamkan mata lalu tertidur di pelukanmu,
sesederhana debaran jantungku saat kau katakan kau rindu aku,
semudah itu karena kau memang pantas kucintai sedemikian rupa.

Aku akan mencintaimu
hingga tak tersisa lagi kelahiran untukku nanti,
hingga detik kau berhenti mencintaiku,
hingga saat cinta tak lagi menjadi alasan kita bersama.

Aku mencintai kau saja.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Three Little Birds



In school where I work as a counselor, a teacher led morning assembly one day. She was bored of giving warnings, and meaningless announcements, and common inspirational quotes. So, she gave a riddle to the students.

"There 3 birds are singing happily on a tree. A hunter comes silently with his gun. Then, the hunter shots once. One bird falls down. How many birds are left?"

1st grader: "Two. One fell down, two left."
6th grader: "None. The other two fly away after the shot."

Teacher appraised those two answers and gave the students present. Just before she closed her remarks, a 4th grader raised his hand.

4th grader: "One is left."
Teacher: "How come?"
4th grader: "One fell down. One went to police station to report the shot. One stayed to watch the hunter so the hunter cannot run away before the police come."


Imported from other Miss Daybee Talks.