Between You, Me, and Pecel Ayam

Subject #1

No records found.

Subject #2

No records found.

Subject #3

No records found.

Subject #4

This morning, I remembered him in a sudden. 12 years ago, I’ve ever loved him once. When there’s nothing left to blame, I had him. When there’s nobody there to hear my sorrow, he heard me. When there’s anybody else to believe, I put my trust on him. I remembered him. Not much, but I do still remember him.

Subject #5

No records found.

Subject #6

On my way to work, I remembered him, not in a sudden. I was thinking about subject #4 when I remembered him. I needed almost 3 years to give in on subject #4 when finally I tried to start hoping again. When things went hard, I thought I had him. When it seemed to be a light at the end of the tunnel, I thought I was finally saved. 9 years ago, I’ve ever loved him once.

Subject #7

Facing laptop screen on my table, I remembered you. No, not in a sudden, because I always remember you. My hands were typing words I couldn’t recognize, my head was thinking of you. Years ago, I’ve ever loved you once. I still do now. Years ago, I’ve ever hated you once. I still do now.

I have built a tiny cocoon; to hide myself, to protect me from pain and happiness, to keep me safe from empty hopes that never came true. I needed 5 years to set myself free. I needed more time to get myself back.

Between you, me, and pecel ayam, there were hundreds heart-to-heart moments we shared; when we talked about God… about future… about love… about life…

And about pain… about affair… about past… about faith… about loyalty…

Also about them… about him… about you… about me… about us…

Things come, things go. People come, people go. Things change because people change. Then, I finally understand. I tried hard to set me free. One thing I kept declining to realize, I locked myself in a box and I forgot where I put the key. I tried hard to get myself back. One thing I’ve never known, I have always been me.

That pecel ayam has never been between you and me again for so long time. And we never talked about God anymore… about future… about love… about life…

And about pain… about affair… about past… about faith… about loyalty…

Also about them… about him… about you… about me… about us… no more.

I have gone so far, and I have never changed. I’m still here, waiting for you to come and take me home. If I take another way and you find me at the end of my journey, I’m too afraid to find out whether you will be happy or not.