If Only You Were Here

I took a 10 minutes break. I found "God Gave Me You" by Blake Shelton on YouTube. While enjoying the video, I found myself almost cry on my chair.

Hell, I was in the middle of working with my colleagues sitting on their own chairs. I should not cry here. It would be embarassing and I was not supposed to do personal matter at the office.

So, I closed the video and grabbed my BlackBerry. I found a picture of me and my Ompung Doli (Grandpa) then put it as profile picture on BBM. Damn! I missed him so much!

During lunch break, I checked my BBM. My Tatte (aunt) has saved my profile picture and put the picture as her profile picture with status "Toppu malungun tu Damang" (Suddenly miss father). I sent her message.

Me: "Same here. I miss Ompung Doli so badly."
Tatte: "Yeah. Maybe because Christmas is coming."
Me: "Yeah..."

While riding my motorbike on my way home after work, I felt so sad. I cried out loud. My tears streamed on my both cheeks. I screamed, "Ompuuuung...!! Aku rinduuuu...!! (Grandpa! I miss you!) I realized some people saw me but I didn't care.

I missed him so, so badly that it hurt so deep. He was my guardian angel. He was my hero. He was my role model. He was everything to me. And he was not here. Anymore.

Arrived at home, I texted Tatte. Then, she called me. Her voice broke. She must have cried. She told me that my Mom also felt so mellow all day, missing Ompung Doli. We talked about 10 minutes, talking about how great Ompung Doli has been.

I lied down on and cried again.

It has been almost 5 months but I still missed my Ompung Doli. Everyday I remember him. Everyday I wish he was here. Everyday I hope he would be with me until I get old. Everyday I miss him.

Call me crybaby, but losing somebody that is everything to you is heartbroken. I don't think I can ever get over his death.

It is 4 months and 19 days.

"If only you were here, Pung. I miss you so badly."



"God Gave Me You"
Blake Shelton

I've been a walking heartache
I've made a mess of me
The person that I've been lately ain't who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
And watch as the storm blows through
And I need you

Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it's true
God gave me you, gave me you

There's more here than what we're seeing a divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely, could somehow fall for me
You'll always be love's great martyr and I'll be the flattered fool

And I need you, yeah!

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it's true
God gave me you

On my own I'm only half of what I could be
I can't do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered, I pray we never undo

Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it's true
God gave me you, gave me you
He gave me you