Me, My Self, and I

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Insomniac Granny

I have been having trouble sleeping for years.

It started when I spent so much time alone at my balcony seven years ago. When I was in Malaysia, I rented a flat with two other girls. It was on the third floor. We had 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, a kitchen, a spacious living room, and a balcony.

I loved my room. It was only 7 m square with a small window, but it was as comfortable as a hotel suite. Okay, maybe I exaggerated, but it was comfortable.

If I was not in my room, you could find me at the balcony. Some people said that the balcony was haunted. But I found it calming and relaxing. I would sit down on the fence, drinking or smoking or calling my loved ones or just observing people and things on the street. My sleep time was reduced to 6 hours a day, then 5, then 4.

After going back to Indonesia for good, I met difficulty to overcome this problem. It has become a habit. I usually sleep only 4-5 hours. During last two years, I sleep only 3-4 hours. I could sleep more only when I was at my parents' house. My friends call me granny because they said the older you are, the less you need sleep.

Last Sunday, I slept for 3 hours only. Monday, 3 hours. Tuesday, 3 hours. Wednesday, 2 hours only. Yesterday, I couldn't sleep at all. Today, I did yoga for an hour, try to relax my mind and body. I hope that I can sleep more tonight. I made a cup of hot tea. I avoided reading and writing. I listened to System of A Down and Guns and Roses. I tried hard to fall asleep. I drank beer, hoping that I would pass out because of tiredness and beer.

Look! It's almost dawn. Damn! I don't think I can sleep tonight. Maybe tomorrow I should buy some sleeping pills.

This is not good at all. Am I old? Old is 60 years, dude! Duh! I have lost my appetite (I called Mom this afternoon, asking her send me package of her cuisine). I will die young!

Shutting down my brain. Turning off my body. Resting my soul.

Hell! Why am I still awake?

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